


Unexpected Guest

by Zoltan3223



Category: Schitt's Creek (TV) RPF
Genre: M/M, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, kinky side, what happens when my brain works overtime
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-02
Updated: 2021-03-11
Packaged: 2021-03-15 14:28:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 1,326
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29809806
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zoltan3223/pseuds/Zoltan3223
Summary: Dan is bored even though quarantine has barely begun. However, things get interesting when a surprise guest arrives without warning.
Relationships: Dan Levy/Himself, Dan Levy/Noah Reid
Comments: 2
Kudos: 6





	1. Quarantine Blues

**Author's Note:**

> based loosely off of the "Wipe It Down" challenge video that Dan posted to his Instagram last year. I regret nothing. 
> 
> Clarity: 
> 
> I don't know Dan or Noah in reality.

9:30AM, Toronto. Date: March 2020 Location: Dan's house. 

Dan flopped on his bed after watching the news on television announcing the lockdown. Quarantine had barely begun, but he could already feel the claws of boredom clutching at him, causing him to let out a sigh of agony and despair. He was barely able to get Zoom to work on his computer, wanting nothing more than to chuck the damned thing out the window, but he knew he would need it for work, so he couldn't do something irrational like that. 

Besides, computers were expensive, and he didn't want to replace the one he was currently using until he had no choice. 

Even though it was still the morning and he'd only woken up two hours ago, he was ready to crawl back under the covers and fall asleep. He was having an excellent dream involving Noah and a can of whipped cream and he was just getting to the good part when his phone alarm had the audacity to wake him up. 

So, not only was he still tired, he was also bored and extremely horny. The current fire below the belt was also telling him that he needed to deal with it before it had a chance to escalate into a full blown five alarm blaze. 

Before he let out another groan, a voice from behind caused him to jump a mile in the air, grabbing a book from the bedside table to use as a weapon if needed. 

"Don't tell me you've exhausted the Zillow search function already. I thought there were a lot of houses to look at," the voice said. 

Expecting to see Noah standing in the doorway, Dan gasped when he realized it wasn't who he'd thought it would be. 

Instead of his boyfriend, he was shocked to see himself leaning against the frame, one eyebrow raised in a flirtatious manner and his arms crossed against his chest. 

"Aren't you going to let me in? I promise I won't bite, although I know you enjoy that immensely."


	2. I Must Be Dreaming

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dan is convinced that he's dreaming, and that the apparition in front of him doesn't exist.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fun chapter before the smut! Look out for the next part either later today or tomorrow!

Dan didn't want to blink, but he knew he'd get in shit for staring at the apparition in front of him. Shaking his head to clear his mind, he was convinced that he'd drunk too much the night before, and that this was somehow all a dream he'd wake up from eventually. 

When he opened his eyes, he realized the apparition was still standing at the door, waiting patiently to be let into the room. 

"Is this some sort of ghosts of Christmas past thing? Have you come back to haunt me? If so, you have the wrong season entirely!" Dan exclaimed. 

"No. It's nothing like that. I'd never haunt you," the apparition responded, taking his cue and walking into the room, sitting on the bed. 

"What are you doing here if not to haunt me? What are you anyway?" 

"You know how people have subconscious thoughts?" the apparition questioned. 

Dan nodded. 

"Well. That's what I am, with a slight twist. I'm your kinky side. You used to let me out all the time to play when you needed to take the edge off, but now you don't anymore. I was just making sure you were okay," the apparition said. 

"Oh. I'm fine. I've just been busy with things, and I haven't had the time to let you out. Where were you hiding? How do you know where I live?" 

"I follow you everywhere. Plus, I wasn't hiding. I was in that mirror you were washing the other day. I'm surprised you didn't see me, cause I saw you in all of your glory. I've even seen you nude many times, and what a treat that is! I also know that you're still riled up from that dream you had last night." 

"What the fuck? How? How do you know that?" Dan asked, his breath hitching in his throat. 

"I'm responsible for all of your erotic dreams about Noah. Now, how about we deal with that fire? I promise to go slow so you can enjoy every moment. There's no sense in rushing, especially since we have all the time in the world courtesy of the lockdown. How does that sound?"

"I must be dreaming. There's no way this is happening," Dan muttered. 

The apparition laughed, shaking his head. 

"I can assure you that this is not a dream. Just sit back and relax. I have everything under control."


	3. Shattered (Part 1)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things get intense between Dan and his kinky side. The only issue is, Dan wants food and nothing else. Shenanigans ensue.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Part 1 of smut! There will be more in the next chapter. 
> 
> Clarity: 
> 
> I don't know Dan or Noah in reality, however, I do know that Dan's obsession with baked goods is a constant mood.

It took Dan a few minutes to realize that the apparition wasn't a dream, and that he was serious in wanting to help him calm down. 

"What do you want right now? If you could have anything in the world, what would it be?" the apparition queried, lying next to him. 

"If we are being honest, I'd do some nasty things for a cruller from my favorite bakery in New York," Dan responded, blushing slightly. 

The apparition sighed, holding back a grin. 

"What is it with you and food? Seriously. I ask you one simple question and the answer comes back as a food related item. Insanity! Sheer insanity!" 

"Well have you ever had one? They are pretty close to food porn in my opinion. There's no need to be so host-" 

Dan was interrupted mid-sentence by the deepest kiss he'd ever experienced in his life. Hell, even Noah couldn't compare with the kiss he'd just received, and he'd kissed his boyfriend many times. As fast as the kiss began, it was soon over, but Dan wanted more. 

"Still thinking about those damned crullers?" 

Dan shook his head. 

"N-Nope. Not one bit," he responded, breathlessly. 

"Good. We aren't done yet. I'm just getting started."


	4. Shattered (part 2)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dan hasn't felt this relaxed and happy in a long time!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> finally finishing this story! I hope you all enjoy reading it! 
> 
> Clarity: 
> 
> I don't know Dan or Noah in reality.

The smell of sex lingered in the air for hours after the apparition disappeared back into the mirror. Dan was shattered and emotionally drained, his pillowcase stained with tears and the bedspread beneath him soaked in sweat. He was still naked, but he refused to get up and get dressed. He debated whether or not to send a picture off to Noah, but he was too tired to pick up his phone from the bedside table. 

He was just about to drift off back to sleep when the sound of keys in the lock startled him back to his senses. 

"Dan? I'm home!" Noah yelled, his voice echoing down the hallway. 

Dan kept quiet, not wanting to ruin the surprise of Noah finding him completely nude in bed. True to his form, Noah wandered into the bedroom, dropping his bag at the door, gasping in shock when he saw the absolute snack in front of him. 

"Dare I ask what brought this on?" he asked, licking his lips. 

"Boredom. Sheer boredom. However, now that you're here, the boredom has gone away!" Dan replied, absentmindedly running a finger through his ruined pompadour. 

"I see that your kinky side made a visit. Remind me to thank him for this delicious treat that I'm about to enjoy," his boyfriend muttered, sliding up on the bed. 

"What-" 

Noah smirked, bringing Dan in for a deep, fiery kiss. 

"It was about time you let your guard down. I'm happy to see you so relaxed," he responded, smiling into the kiss as he turned off the lights, melting into the familiar grooves of Dan's body. 

They didn't move from the bed until an unhappy Redmond made his presence known out in the hallway, courtesy of a loud woof. The sound caused them both to break down laughing, before Noah rolled off the bed, padding towards the door. 

"Shall I let him in or should we go for a walk around the corner to get some fresh air?" 

"Fresh air does sound lovely, but I'm in no mood to put on pants. You go ahead. I'll stay here and make coffee for us," Dan replied, stifling a yawn. 

"Okay. Fair enough. Promise me one thing, however." 

"Go ahead." 

"Try not to burn the house down this time!"


End file.
